Embers The Dragon

Heating Engineer to the Stars

Sir Gerwain of Rothscar had imagined many things when he ordered a dragon.

He had imagined soaring across crimson sunsets with a winged shadow beast of death, beneath him. He had imagined the ballads sung by wandering minstrels, the battlefield glory, and the enemies surrendering at the mere sound of the leathery wings that beat overhead. He had even imagined that in the lull of his post epic conquests that he might take his chainmail off and, sit by a river gorging himself on toasted marshmallows fed to him by the fair maiden he had recently rescued.

He had not imagined sitting in his castle pantry on hold for forty-seven minutes while a lute played Greensleeves quietly down the crystal communication orb.

“Please hold, your call is very important to us,” said the enchanted voice for the twelfth time.

“It bloody well ought to be,” muttered Sir Gerwain, as somewhere behind him a small dragon carefully reheated a mince pie left over from the recent Christmas celebrations.

At last the orb crackled.

“Good afternoon, thank you for contacting Dragons-R-Us customer support, my name is Shantell, how may I assist you today?”

“I wish to complain,” snapped Gerwain. “The dragon you sent me doesn’t fly.”

There was a pause. “I’m terribly sorry to hear that, sir. Could I first take your order reference number?”

Gerwain squinted at the vellum scroll. “DRU-0123.”

More crackling.

“Yes, I see your order here. One medium drake with smoke-resistant scales. Under the section regarding temperament you wrote ‘friendly but capable of light intimidation.’”

“That’s the one.”

“And what seems to be the problem?”

“The problem,” said Gerwain slowly, “is that dragons traditionally, you know, occupy the sky.”

Behind him, Embers looked up from the pie and gave a small apologetic snort. A puff of warm cinnamon-scented smoke drifted across the room.

Shantell cleared her throat.

“But sir, you specifically ordered a drake.”

“Yes?”

“So…male dragons do not generally fly, hence why they are significantly cheaper…would you like me to quote for a dragoness?”

Silence settled over the pantry. Sir Gerwain opened the household casket, the coffers were pretty bare. He glanced over to where Embers was sitting next to the kitchen fire. He was snacking on a charred rat that he had caught the night before.

“Erm, I see…” Sir Gerwain’s voice has lost its edge. “…I did not know that there was a difference…” His voice dropped to something barely above a whisper.

“It’s all detailed in the product documentation, sir.”

“But I received no product documentation.”

“It was attached to the saddle in a small envelope.”

Gerwain frowned. “I thought that was a decorative tassel.” He paused, “So…what good is a male dragon then?”

“Well they make excellent companions and are fiercely loyal. They can even be trained to do simple tasks such as fetching your slippers. Also, they are extremely good at getting rid of vermin. Rats are after all, their preferred source of protein.” Shantell paused, she no longer needed to read her script, she had gone through this exact conversation a hundred times before, she added, “They are also excellent water heaters, they are a boon to your kitchen and, don’t forget the lady of the castle, who I’m sure would appreciate a nice hot bath at the end of a long day.”

Embers looked at his master, his amber eyes fixing him with a soft gaze, while his forked tongue flicked the air.

Sensing a commission based opportunity Shantell continued, “On that very subject, we have just added a brand new product to our retail range…dragon fired hot tubs. They are simply all the rage with our more…in-vogue customers…and we are currently running an introductory offer with free next day delivery included in the price.”

The cart arrived the following day. The workmen installed a screen around the bathing area while Embers lay next to the copper boiler. Within minutes several members of the castles retinue where happily immersed in the warm water.

Gerwain patted Embers on the head as he sniffed the air, “Dragons,” he said to no one in particular, “are wonderful around castles, and the staff smell nice too.”

The End